"JB, we're going golfing for your birthday" -- words that nobody has ever said to me before... until this visit to Puerto Vallarta. And then to hear I'd be up and out of the hotel at 6 a.m., I mean, come on, it's shaping up to be the best birthday ever.

In all honesty, it was pretty damn fun to visit Marina Vallarta Club de Golf. And I totally understand why we went so early in the morning: It was so our bad golfing didn't hold up other players wanting to have a peaceful game on the links.

The golf carts were lined up for our arrival. Then, we were offered mimosas. The rest I can't say is condoned by SpeakFree Media but, ah, what the hell. The drinks were a nice wake-up and there was a cool breeze as the golf carts primarily stayed to the paths as we bounced around to the different holes.

We weren't playing an actual game but we did get a scenic tour of some amphibians that live at the course. Talk about a water hazard with these guys around! We stopped along the way for photo opps of the different attractions -- which was primarily the wildlife. We did hit a bunch of golf balls at the hole that runs alongside the beach. Great views!

I also got up close with the damn Travelocity gnome that was in town at the time. It gave me great joy to pretend to whack a golf ball off the little creature.